Comments on: Are Your Attitudes About Money Holding You Back?

By: Laurie Neumann

Laurie Neumann — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 15:17:57 +0000

Valerie,
I was on the call this morning and this sounds like exactly what I’ve been looking for.

I have already gone through Biblical Coaching certification but am looking for a more practical implementation type of course.

Is there any way you will reconsider and do a teleclasss this year? I don’t think it’s going to work out for me to come to the 5 day class.

Thank you!

By: Ursula

Ursula — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 14:26:28 +0000

A few thoughts that have been helpful to me:
(1) By undervaluing your services by charging less, not only do you hurt yourself, you hurt others in the your profession. In other words, you devalue the whole profession and make it harder for others in the same profession to earn a decent living.
(2) For professional services, you should never charge less than $75/hour or you won’t be taken seriously.

By: Patti Laubaugh

Patti Laubaugh — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 05:18:09 +0000

I’m great negotiating compensation from an employer. That’s as far as I get for myself. When it comes to putting a price on time and research for my own business I leave a lot on the table, an insidious trap that is self sabotage. Before I go into my next entrepreneurial project it is a subject that needs to be addressed and put to rest. I think most of it comes from the way I was brought up about money. Too bad schools aren’t teaching ALL children how to handle money before they get out into the real world. A suggestion for those who are so inclined: Rich Dad, Poor Dad Cashflow game-I’m getting together with a group of women and we’re going to learn about money-BEFORE it’s too late, AGAIN!

By: Connie Chapman

Connie Chapman — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 16:58:33 +0000

Boy, does this article speak to me. I have a business in which I “fill in” for employees in mostly small businesses. My specialty is accounting and, when employed in the corporate world, I made six figures per year. My rate is fairly low as I am starting the business. For the last year, I have been helping out a small bookkeeping firm. The owner uses a variety of my skills and promises me “higher” rates when I use my consulting, computing and managerial skills. BUT, then she reneges, and pays me the lower bookkeeping rate because she is reluctant to charge her clients her higher consulting rate. They “don’t have much money”. I enjoy working with her, but am seriously thinking about leaving. Of course my mother’s voice says “Any work is better than no work”. On the other hand, I feel that I am worth more than she is paying!!!

By: Ursula

Ursula — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 04:33:18 +0000

Great topic! I was just discussing this with my friends the other day. What I have found is that if you are successful, some people will not like you. But then again, some people will not like you no matter what. So why worry?

I have been told that I am unapproachable because I am smart, pretty, and successful. So, I bend over backwards to be warm, non-threatening, and helpful. The result? Some people still don’t like me and find me unapproachable. At that point, it becomes their issue.

It can be lonely and that is why you MUST have a few friends who like you no matter what. Surround yourself with other successful, well-established females who are less likely to be jealous of you.

At one point, I struggled with the idea of making a lot of money. Then my boss at that time struck me over the head with this thought…if you make a lot of money, you can help a lot of people. I no longer struggle with the idea of making a lot of money and actually look forward to all the good I will be able to do.

By: Marsha

Marsha — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 04:01:45 +0000

Valerie,
This is one of those issues I have been struggling with for the last few years. It takes a lot of introspection and self-monitoring to break the habit of self-sabotage.

The irony of it all is that while I have been self-deprecating so I will be more likable (read popular), I’ve lost many friends who couldn’t understand why a smart, talented and apparently driven person has kept herself in poverty. If I were looking at me from the outside, I suspect I would start to think I’m a fraud because it doesn’t make any logical sense.

We fought for autonomy and the right to earn money on our own terms and now that we have it, we still resist it. Who knew this transition would last so long??

Thanks for bringing up such a sensitive topic. Let’s hope some of us have a breakthrough in our money attitudes before we starve to death.

By: Perle Champion

Perle Champion — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 01:13:13 +0000

It is a shame for so many women to feel shame, when they excel to the point of denying it to make another feel better, or for fear of losing friends. I’m happy for any of woman who makes it, friend or otherwise – it shows me that I can too. If friends fall away, I wonder if they were ever really friends or just misery wanting company.

I have a small core of real friends and I have people who have come in and out of my life. I did make straight A’s in school, I was the one who made the A team in volleyball, basketball, tennis, made cheerleader, etc.

I’ve been envied and I have envied. The difference is, I my envy had no venom. I saw what others had done, wanted that kind of success for myself, and went for it.

p.s. Congratulations on all your successes. I love your site and all the good advice and profiles of success stories. I envy a lot of those folks who are farther along their changing courses than I am, I’m glad for them, and I’m going for it myself one step at a time.

By: Christine

Christine — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 21:46:18 +0000

Valerie, that was a very interesting article. I have noticed a catch-22 when it comes to financial success. Those who share the same positive, successful mindset are very supportive of those who also achieve financial success. Those who don’t can cast a very negative light on those who are more successful than they are.

I think one aspect of your article that struck a chord with me has to do with my family upbringing. We were not exactly wealthy, though we weren’t poor either. When you said you were embarrassed about how much money you made, I thought it was rude for your companions to say, “Tell them how much money you made!” To me, it’s not that you had no reason to be proud- hell, you earned a wonderful night out! I just feel that it keeps with having a sense of decorum to not broadcast your earnings. Even if I had won the lottery, I wouldn’t be so quick to tell the whole world how much I won. I guess I’m just a private person that way. That’s not to say that people won’t see me purchase that wonderful $10.00 hunk of Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese… :>).

As for my own work, I am currently employed with a state agency, which most people would think is a great gig. While the pay is decent, it definitely does not feed my soul. I feel like I’m stuck in a Dilbert cartoon! Many people I know within the agency think success is being vested for 30 years, receiving a plaque for their service and collecting their pension at the end. I was stunned to learn that one of the supervisors up the food chain had their real estate license and has done nothing with it. Believe me, he could have made his salary as an archivist 10 times over with a few good real estate deals a few years ago. When I decided to get my real estate license, it raised a few eyebrows. My 50-something boss is busily working her way through the bureaucratic channels in hopes of getting a particular position in the mountains, which may or may not happen. Not me. I’m busily coming up with an escape plan towards self-employment. I know I’ve had my own resentment towards successful people, but came to the realization that they’re the very people I can learn from. It is very challenging breaking out of what I would call “poverty consciousness” and it does take work to change old habits and patterns. Unfortunately, women are more prone to feel guilty and unworthy of success.

Thanks for letting me put in my two-cents!

Christine

By: Jo

Jo — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 18:54:45 +0000

You said no one blinks twice at winning the lottery – well I do. Lottery tickets are smarmy and sleazy – there is something wrong with it – talk about not working hard for your money – that’s it.

It breaks my heart to see so many people at the local corner store
buying piles of lottery tickets they cannot afford.

By: Steve Coxsey

Steve Coxsey — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 18:52:45 +0000

Valerie, I love your insight. I think about this from a man’s perspective (DNA–please don’t hold it against me) so I don’t automatically see the beliefs and attitudes specific to women. The nature of women is to work cooperatively, not competitively, and many are reared to be helpful.

In service marketing–and apparently in Jewish culture, because I keep reading references to this idea–you find a way to be helpful to people and are paid for your help. How wonderful it would be if we could easily embrace the notion that it’s fair and right and reasonable to get paid!

There is a broader pressure, too, that I was talking about with a friend who is college age. As he gets excited about the power of knowledge and discovers his love of learning, he feels isolated from his old peer group and some family members.

We all want to fit in generally, be like everyone else–well, almost. We want to be a little bit better. But not so much that we’re different. We very much have a sense of social class and place, and there is an unseen pressure that tries to keep us “in our place.”

Women can use more role models who get wildly successful and maintain their social values and caring nature. Go ahead and get rich!

Warm Regards,

Steve