Comments on: When it Comes to Your Dreams, Sometimes the Best Advice is to Ignore Everything Your Parents Told You

By: Jule

Jule — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 18:34:08 +0000

Great ideas! And actually, when it comes to clean underwear (just in case), mom was wrong. My friends in hospitals tell me that what’s most noticible when someone is face-up on a hospital gurney is their toes. So perhaps moms should have been advocating pedicures!

By: Jennifer Manlowe

Jennifer Manlowe — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 15:04:42 +0000

Oops, I forgot to add, if there are any women or men out there who want to explore the GOO (gender of origin) issues when creating a working identity, please checkout my book, CRACKING UP. You can learn more by following this link: http://stores.lulu.com/jmanlowe

By: Jennifer Manlowe

Jennifer Manlowe — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 15:01:43 +0000

HI Valerie!
I’m so grateful for your brilliant tips (as always!) and have found them to be true for myself and my clients seeking more creative careers–like becoming successful writers, for instance. One of the “homework” assignments I give my students in week two of the LIFE DESIGN Eight-Week Program is to fill in 10 short answers to the following questions:
What were mandates and mistakes warned against in your (1) Family of Origin (FOO), your (2) Culture of Origin (COO), and your (3) Traditions/Religion of Origin (TROO)?

For instance, because my Family of Origin (FOO) name is Manlowe, I might explore 10 answers to each of the questions. The first one might go like this: “A Manlowe MUST ALWAYS_____!” and then 10 answers to this question like this: “A Manlowe MUST NEVER_____!”

And my Culture of Origin (COO) is late 20th C. Italian/Irish third generation — want-to-be upper-middle class and white with lots of gender expectations that are quite different for men/boys and women/girls. So my 10 answers to each of to the questions might go like this: “To be a Successful Woman in America one must ALWAYS_____!” and then 10 answers to this question like this: “To be a Successful Woman in America must NEVER_____!

Finally, Tradition or Religion of origin (TROO) questions might go like this: “I grew up learning that to be a good Catholic girl, one must NEVER_____!” and then 10 answers to this question like this: “I grew up learning that to be a good Catholic girl, one must NEVER_____!”

The point of the exercise is not to dump the past but to see its present influence on our beliefs about ourselves and our futures. When we explore from where we’ve come and see which “colors” of the palette are dominating the scenery, we might want to think again and decide which ones we want to use for the “life painting” we’re creating now in our second half of life. Which is my favorite half so far! There’s so much more power–born of discernment and experience– and so many more tricks for blending new colors and textures on this side.

Hey you out there in Ether Land, do you think the above exercise might help you or your clients? I’d love to learn what helps you.

Blessings,
Jennifer

By: Charlotte Spears

Charlotte Spears — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 12:25:20 +0000

My mom always said, “Get your head out of the clouds and put your feet back on the floor”–what a dream discourager!!! She always saw me as a school teacher or a nice secretary. I am glad to say that my head is firmly planted in the clouds, right where it is meant to be. Thank you, Valerie for keeping us encouraged.

Charlotte Spears
Cozy Home Designs

By: Shellie

Shellie — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 18:57:13 +0000

Valerie you are so right! I used to take it personally that my parents were ‘unsupportive’ of my musings and it took me three years to overcome my perceived roadblocks to starting a career/life overhaul. But I finally got to a point where I couldn’t do my old job ONE MORE DAY; so within 4 weeks I moved to another town 5 hours away to start culinary school and pursue my passion of food and wine pairing. I AM SO HAPPY I DID, it was the best move ever. I’m learning to define myself by BEING instead of DOING. With all the old life constraints removed, I get to create the life I WANT instead of living for other people’s expectations of what I should do. You and your advice have been hugely instrumental in that life change and I am grateful for your wisdom and continued great ideas. THANK YOU!!!

By: Barbara Winter

Barbara Winter — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 16:42:46 +0000

I always like Valerie’s articles, but I really LOVED this one. Unlearning the bad career advice we got growing up seems to be the first big challenge for everyone changing course. Thanks for the eloquent reminder!