Are You Settling?

November 19, 2012 |

On November 3rd I turned 58. I know some people (women especially) don’t like to reveal their age. Not me.

My mom passed away at the too young age of 61. Life expectancy in some poor countries is as low as 45.

I consider each additional year, indeed each new day, to be a gift. And I think sharing my age honors all those who never got to be my age.

One of the benefits of age is increased clarity. As you rack up life experiences you discover what you want — and as importantly, what you don’t want.

When we are younger, we’re more apt to settle in all kinds of ways.

You settle for less than healthy relationships because, “It’s better than being alone.”

You settle for high-stress jobs or tyrant bosses because, “At least I have a job” or we say, “It could be worse.”

You settle for all kinds of things that later in life would be simply unacceptable. Now that I’m pushing 60, settling feels entirely uninteresting.

I don’t want my obituary to read: “She wanted to help thousands of people see interesting ways to make a living without a j-o-b. But she settled for cranking out marketing materials in a cubicle in someone else’s company.”

To be clear, settling is not the same as compromise.

Healthy relationships require compromise from both partners. And while I think you can get darned close, no job — or business — is perfect.

There are parts of any business that require you to stretch in uncomfortable ways. There are times when you’d rather take a nap, exercise, or do anything other than hustle to meet a deadline or phone a potential customer.

Relationships, parenting, work all require these kinds of healthy trade-offs.

But settling is different. When you settle, you unwittingly check your true needs, desires, and gifts at the door.

When You Settle You Are Telling Yourself, “This is the Best I Can Do.” 

And when that happens you don’t even try to get your needs met. You don’t attempt to realize your true desires. You talk about bringing your gifts into the world or of wanting to make a difference. But you take no steps to either.

So why do we settle?  I’m not referring just to you. I mean all of us.

Everyone has his or her reasons for settling for a job when what they really want is a life. In the end though it come down to this:

a) You don’t think it’s possible — or more specifically, you believe it’s possible for other people… but not for you

b) You don’t believe that you deserve to get what you want in life

c) Or both

Webster’s Dictionary defines “nonsense” as language, conduct, or an idea that is absurd or contrary to good sense.

The idea that it is possible for others to create the life they really want but you are somehow less talented or interesting or capable is absurd.

The belief that every other person on the planet — except you — deserves to do work that is meaningful and self-sustaining is contrary to good sense.

And when you consider that there are countless millions of people who right this very minute are enjoying the freedom, the flexibility, and the satisfaction of being their own boss, then it is nonsense to believe you can’t be among them.

That is, IF you are ready to stop settling.

If you don’t know what makes you happy then make it your quest to find out. Take a class. Read a book. Hire a career expert who specializes in self-employment. Ask your friends what they see you doing. (If your friends are settling — skip that last idea.)

You can settle for a lifetime spent in a high-stress job in a dysfunctional organization. You can settle for far less than you want or deserve. You can settle for a life of mediocrity.

Or you can try to change course. The essential word here is “try.”

With each passing birthday I am more certain of the truth in the words of the great opera diva Beverly Sills who said, “You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.”

There is no shortage of interesting ways to make money doing what you love. There is only a shortage of resolve to take the first step.

No Longer Willing to Settle?

I currently have room in my schedule for 4 new Profiting from Your Passions® laser clients and 2 VIP clients. (VIP  clients are by application only).

Before our session you’ll receive tools to hone in on your unique gifts, interests and skills. That alone is invaluable.

Then working with me in a private consulting session, I’ll show you practical ways you can make money doing what you love. Ideas are guaranteed to pass the “The Life Test.” And you’ll leave knowing the exact next steps you can take immediately so you can happily “settle into” your new life.

To learn more, including whether a laser or VIP session is right for you, go to Riverside Family Chiropractic