I attended an event several weeks ago which, by all accounts, was a smashing success. At a mastermind breakfast the following day, the leader revealed that he had heard a complaint from someone – one person – and felt he had to do some soul searching about the event based on this complaint.
Has that ever happened to you?
Despite overwhelming positive feedback, the thing you take to heart is the one complaint.
The problem with “soul searching” is that rarely is that what we do. We “head search” – ruminate about the feedback, trying to think of how we could have done better, maybe even questioning whether we should continue with the program or event or idea.
If we truly were searching our soul, we would have more clarity.
Many years ago, when I first started out as a Changing Course coach, I was a table sponsor at an event hosted by a mentor of mine. At one point during the two or three days, a woman approached me and chastised me for using the word “reinvention.” She scolded that she had not “invented” herself, and that the very idea implied fraud or inauthenticity.
Even though I disagreed with her, I took it to heart. I stepped back for awhile and re-evaluated my entire business. I stopped using that terminology.
The advice those of us who were at the breakfast gave was, “consider the source.” This person was not in the mastermind group, it was the first event of his she had attended, and it would likely be the last. Sometimes the people who complain are just not your people.
Constructive criticism should absolutely be taken to heart. But any sort of criticism, constructive or otherwise, can trigger impostor feelings that can lead you to question yourself, beat yourself up over perceived failure, maybe even quit altogether.
A healthy response to criticism is first, consider the source. Is this person someone whose opinion you respect, who supports you in what you’re doing? Would incorporating the feedback help you to improve?
In the “overcoming obstacles” portion of the Changing Course method and Thinking Outside the Job Box, we talk about where not to go for support. Even people who have your best interests at heart can discourage you. They love you, but don’t want you to change. They don’t want you to try and fail or be disappointed or leave them behind. Better to stay safe, right where you are.
In the end, we have to learn to trust ourselves and “consider the source” when accepting or rejecting criticism and feedback. As another mentor of mine says, does it make the boat go faster? If not, don’t just turn the boat around or change course because of one person’s opinion.
Search your soul (not your head!) and the clarity will come.
